Random Thoughts….
in my mind 15min before sending my sis to changi….
- don’t like to go back and think about what i have already overcome, the devil shall not have a foothold on me
- when am i going to finish my essay?
- i want to have dumpling ee-mee for lunch later
- music prac tonight
- feel like a holiday (bloody H1n1!)
- when is the professor gonna get back to me??
- my room is darn messy
- when is my sis goin to be done?
Courtroom Humor
Courtroom Humor
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
from sneezl.com
Something to read and mull over.
got this off sneezl.com
A Really Good Question
A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.
A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.
A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.00 each.
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing some of the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
Why You Should Have Better Eyesight
this is hilarious… got it off Nads. The thais make the funniest and crappiest commercials
The Spartan
quirky sense of humor? check.
commence mealtime before the rest of the group has settled down? check.
immaculate timing of darnest quotable quotes? check.
saying the wrong (but unmistakably hilarious) things at the wrong time? check.
delusional about personal sexayness? definitely check.
well-loved by people around? check
magnanimous (when teased endlessly, and sometimes overboard-ly)? check
ability to bring joy to people and light up their faces? check.
dedicated individual? check.
sincere? check.
You have been one of my better friends, and i really enjoy this brotherhood that we share. You are the only drummer so far i have seen copy every single lick in a song so flawlessly. Your desire to live a life that’s worthy of God’s dwelling, inspires me to want to do the same. I’m sure i speak for the rest when i say that you are the life of the unit. Thank you for making my bad days less gloomy. Thank you for giving me the privilege to access your private life and ask tough questions. Continue to grow in your stature and personification of the word.
in short, HAPPY BIRTHDAY HENDRA WINATA! =D
Post Camp Thoughts and A New Angle on God
So, camp has been done and dusted with. It was decent, on the whole, though i think the camp comm should look into lowering the pricing of the camp per pax next year. And could we have a hotel that’s nearer to the city centre, assuming we are going to KL again? And a faster coach, or a plane package? Mucho gracias!
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Currently reading Bill Hybel’s “Too Busy Not To Pray”;. As usual, much to be learnt from this experience pastor and writer. His anecdotes are witty and humorous. One thing i have learnt from this book is the concept of God being a Father who loves to lavish gifts on us, his children.
Even though i have come to know God for almost 11 yrs, i have to admit that this concept of God wanting to give us good things isn’t really big on me. I used to feel almost embarrassed when i went before God and asked for my personal needs. Personal as in really personal, like, good things for yourself, things that you want, and may not necessarily require to survive, or to bless others. I would feel really uncomfortable praying for stuff like, more spending money, a car (before i had my civic), a girlfriend, a new guitar, etc. It made me feel unspiritual for wanting all these things for myself, and not to advance the kingdom of God. Occasionally, i would feel sucky for not praying and desiring more for a loving heart, a more giving spirit, a kingdom-minded perspective on things.
However, what Bill Hybels taught in the book just blew my mind.
I’ve come to understand that God is someone who longs to give me good things. Not just my needs, not just what’s good for the kingdom; but things that i want, things that will allow me to enjoy life more, things that will benefit no one else but myself.
Take note, i am not encouraging a self-centered mentality or a hedonistic lifestyle.
What i mean is, it is alright to go ahead and ask God for things! Just like an earthly father who longs to give his children good things, our heavenly Father wants to do that too. And he is God! What can be too difficult for him? Do you need to kneel down and beg your earthly father for gifts? I do not need, to and therefore, why should i treat God like somebody who only gives me good things when i need them for survival, or when i beat myself to a mental pulp before he will grudgingly throw me some leftovers? God doesn’t want to give good things only when we want them for “kingdom-purposes” or for some noble tasks.
He longs to give me the best.
Matt 7:9-11 states it clearly:
9″Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
So go ahead,
ask God for that money so that you can buy more luxuries
ask God for that love of your life not only because you can extend the kingdom through the marriage, but also to enjoy each other, to have someone to call your own
talk to him about that hard day you have had at work, and to help you through it, not just so that you can be salt and light, but also to gain favor with people
Of course, we could go ahead and ask, but only God will know whether to withhold it from us at that moment, or not give it to us at all. An example will be that of a 14-yr old kid, asking his dad for a car, even though he is neither at the legal age nor trained to drive. A loving Dad would not agree to this request, until the son turns 18 and gets his driving licence. If i asked my father for more money, so that i can buy cigarettes; then, a loving father would not give me the money at all, because i am harming myself as time passes, even if the damage doesn’t come the first time i smoke.
So go ahead, ask God for good things, but also be mature and sensible enough to still love and serve him if he asked you to “wait”, or just gives you a blatant “no”.
The Greatest Tennis Player of All Time
Ladies & Gentleman, Roger Federer
I was so happy that he finally got his Roland Garros win after 3 heartbreaking finals the last 3 yrs, that in my heart, i was literally squealing like a teenage girl when he served out his championship point.
Awesome!
