One Year On.
This time last year, i embarked on one of the most difficult moments of my Christian life ever. Caught me by surprise right between the eyes, but still had to go through it nonetheless.
What followed after that fateful day, was an approximately 3month period of self-pitying, stupid moves and rather crucially, one of the rare periods in my 10yr walk where the roots of my faith and foundation in Him were sternly tested.
I’m actually quite amazed how time flies. Can’t believe it has been one year. Still able to remember certain incidents so vividly.
God has been good. The comfort, guidance, and most importantly, the grace he has shown to me in this one year has simply left me speechless. Late last year, i got 3 prophecies on 3 different occasions that 2009 was going to be a big year for me. And so far, i guess it has been. Would i have imagined myself in this position currently during Jan or Feb this year? It would be a definite no.
Billy Graham said mountaintops are good for inspiration but fruits are found in the valleys – i concur. While not denying that i didn’t enjoy the arduous few months, im glad that God made me go through it, and even though i was bewildered for quite a while, he never left my side. His presence was always there, through the concern of my friends, family, leaders etc. Those of you who walked with me and gave me endless encouragement, you know who you are, just wanna say that you guys will never be forgotten. A special shoutout to those few who not just supported me, but also reiterated your belief in me, you are one of the main reasons that i was able to pick myself up and carry on.
I’d like to think that i have emerged from the (trial?) wiser & less naive, but mainly, i’d like to think that i’ve come out of it as victoriously as i know how. Granted, the mistakes and aforementioned stupid moves have somewhat left certain irreversible consequences, but i believe that as i continue to walk with God, he will make things alright…somehow.
Another thing about fruits being found in the valley, sometime in about mid Jan this year, i started intensively listening to teaching podcasts and devouring books for a period of half a year. While i do not really have the luxury of time to do it now that im in the midst of my semester, it’s not an exaggeration to say that i’ve learnt more in that half year compared to my previous 10 years in church. And the best thing? I believe God isn’t done with me yet (ok, i don’t know if i should be that pumped about it or not…haha! =p)
God has humbled me so much. To quote PJ, i know that i know that i know that i know that i know that i can never ever ever ever live without the presence of God in my life. Oh man, i’ve really come to realise how much i need Him. Anything i do on my on merits to gain that righteousness a Christian ought to aim for, is but a mere breath, a whisper in the wind. Only God can give me that righteousness. Without God in my life, i’m utter toast.
I ain’t perfect, as much as i’ve improved, i am still prone to errors (sometimes committing the ever-so-silly ones), so kindly bear with me as im still work in progress.
And no, this isn’t a thinly veiled barb at anyone in case you are thinking. I really harbor no bitterness towards anybody as im typing this. Can’t drive properly if you are always looking in the rear-view mirror can you?
For those of who have heard something with regards to me, and are curious to find out more, i would say… don’t you have better things to do? hahaha =) I’ve been taking a “no-comments” policy with anything that has happened, not about to change it. Neither am i making anymore apologies or “compensations”, i’m convicted that i have already done everything i need to. Believe whatever you want, as long as im assured that my close friends, and most imptly, God, are on my side, that will suffice.
Exciting times ahead! =)
…..I Actually Paid for this……
“The greater the individual’s propensity to trust, the greater the likelihood that the individual will trust others”
- notes flashed during my lecture
…..I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
2 Lessons
sorry for the lack of updates hey. work’s piling up. And i’ve gotta get as much work done as possible before my upcoming travels
16/10-18/10: Galway (Ireland)
22/10-26/10: Barcelona (Spain)
6/11-8/11: Edinburgh (Scotland)
13/11-15/11: Belfast (Northen Ireland)
can’t wait!
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2 valuable interlinked lessons i’ve learnt recently, helped me a lot in my understanding and my approach towards God, hope it blesses you hey:
1) God sometimes allows us to fall into the same thing over and over again, so that we will always remember him and his grace.
2) Surrender to God, not to the doings that aid our walk with him
there was a period of time recently when i was rather peeved about falling into the same bad habits over and over again. It was ridiculous to me as i could be worshiping God in the morning, strengthened by the bible and all, and bam, come evening, i would snap. It didn’t make sense.
Talking to someone online, this wise person just shared what came to mind, and even though i think it served as a reminder to the person, it hit me right between the eyes. It was a revelation to me.
2 Cor 12:7-10 (the message)
7-10 Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
Wow – i wanted share more with regards to point 1, but the message version has explained it heaps better than what i would have been able to.
A few days later, God revealed another rhema word. I’ve been having the wrong focus. I figured that, just because i read the bible diligently, did my bible study once every couple of days, and worshiped and read regularly, i assumed that all these would be enough to keep me walking strong with God. And when i faltered, i would get upset. I thought, this was akin to eating well, training everyday, sleeping well, then failing my IPPT anyway. God reminded me gently,
“Are you surrendering to the things that help you draw near to me, or are you surrendering to ME?”
Bam, another one between the eyes. Had i continued to rely on my deeds to get close to God, only 2 things would happen: i would either get too self-righteous (im “there” because i did this and that), or beat myself up over bad habits or future sins i commit. Either way, it’s not going to help me achieve a close walk with Him.
At that point of time, two things happened simultaneously:
- left to my own devices, i realized how wretched and weak i was (according to Rachel Green: “there’s rock bottom, then underneath there’s 20 feet of crap, then there’s me!”)
- i got stronger in Christ, and acknowledged that by surrendering more of myself to his will, i can only get even stronger =)
I guess this is what it really means by, “when i’m weak, then i am strong”.
sidetrack: Dublin is starting to get colder. 8 deg yesterday night. Not even winter yet. Eeeeeps.
listening: Miles Collection
