Confidence & Spoken Words

January 22, 2010 at 11:48 am (Learnings, Music, Random, Thinking out loud)

How many times have we inadvertently caused somebody’s confidence to plummet because of careless words spoken?

Had a convo with a good friend recently, and this friend mentioned that because of a certain general perception, he always felt that he couldn’t accomplish certain goals in life. Even though he was outwardly ok and even laughed about it with his critiques, deep down inside, it created another voice, telling him that he will never be good enough.

I for one, had to repent and apologize because i was one of those people who were careless with my words towards him. Evil of me? I don’t think so. However, it still doesn’t justify anything.

Proverbs mentioned that a word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. To wordplay it a little, a wrong word spoken is like a rotten apple.

Anyway, back to the story, this friend had a chance to conquer one of his greatest fears recently – fear not because he was not up to it, but because he felt he was not up to it, after the many critiques through the years. To cut a long story short, he did it anyway, and professed to me that he felt a new breakthrough in that area for the first time ever. There was a new found confidence that “hey, i can actually do this, and i do not suck in it!”

Reflecting on his story, i realized the power of words. Because of people often telling him he couldn’t do it, he had grown to believe that lie, where in actual fact, yes he may not excel or be the cream of the crop in it, but that doesn’t make him suck at it.

As for myself, through the years, people have always (jokingly) told me that i suck at singing. However, last year at my buddy’s wedding, i had a chance to belt out a trio of songs as part of the wedding band lineup. People who were close to me (but not close enough to crack deprecating jokes) actually told me i sounded decent. And that was good enough for me. I know i’m not a Josh Groban/Sting/John Mayer etc, and neither would i ever win SG Idol, even though the talent pool is really bad; but it doesn’t make me suck as a singer. I can still sing something in tune and as long as glasses don’t break and ears don’t bleed, i think that’s pretty good!

To be honest, i don’t think my friends meant what they said seriously, and neither do i think they even remember! The point I’m getting is that, a careless word spoken may be funny to the person who said it in the beginning, but it doesn’t do much for the person on the receiving end; and in the case of my friend (and I), it may produce lasting consequences.

To draw the story of a famous local musio, Jeremy Monteiro has been touted as the father of Jazz in the Singapore music scene. He is an excellent pianist with a wealth of experience. Nowadays, he sings a few songs in his jazz gigs. However, in his younger days, people always told him that he should stick to playing the piano, and not sing, simply because Claressa Monteiro (his sister) was a really kickass jazz singer. Mentioning this story, Jeremy said he slowly grew to believe that he couldn’t make it as a singer, until one day, he actually had to fill in for someone last min, and came to the conclusion that, yes, he may not have his sister’s vocals, but it doesn’t mean he’s bad at singing.

2 things to take note:

1) Be careful with my words.

2) Not speaking careless words is not good enough. Speak encouragingly.

on a side note… last day in Singapore…sian